I feel so powerful doing this, but I also feel dirty and cheap too.April 15th: Well my resolve to not have sex with Branden in our bed failed miserabl.... This past week he visited four times and fucked me every time in our bed. Damn it. Damn it.July 4th: Well, I give up. Branden and I have been having great sex two or three times a week. He fucks me where, how and when he wants. I can’t say no to him. He tells me to drop to my knees and I do. He wants to fuck me like a dog, and I am on all. If the men had planned it better they could not have tormented me in any worse fashion. To be so hungry and yet so unsatisfied was far more grotesque than the mundane pain. After hours of beating I was released from my cramped and awkward position. My body screamed in agony as the blood began to flow freshly into my neglected limbs. I could not walk for my feet were far too sore. I had to be carried to the men. Once I was stretched out upon the hard wooden deck the men began to attack me.. The girlwas bleeding painful memories as Baineth held her. She had no controlover her communion, and as her broken psyche sought solace like an infantseeking its mother, she poured every heart wrenching moment of her youthinto it. She had felt it, as had others in their line. She had becomeknown, and was loved, whether she knew it or not. Like a hurt faun, shetried to curl around the mental wounds of her abuse, guarding it inmewing cries. She had grown stronger with her rest, but it would. I padded into my bathroom and took care of my morning ablutions. Grabbing my robe from where it hung on the bathroom door, I wrapped it around me, and followed the aroma of frying bacon into the kitchen. I arrived just in time to sit down at the table and have father place the plate with bacon and eggs in front of me. I ate everything on the plate with great relish. I spread so much grape jelly on my toast that some of it stuck to the side of my mouth. Father licked it off, and then kissed me.
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